As shown by Saturday’s post, Not Finding the Words, I was having one helluva time writing a book review. Actually, I was not having a good day at all.  I realize that there are days that you simply need to take a break and yesterday would have been ideal, but I promised to get the review in.

Sometimes I wonder whether writing will ever get easy. Whether I’ll be able to whip out a 1,000 word article without even blinking an eye. When the words are just spouting like water in a fountain. Honestly, I don’t think so.

Although I’ve been writing book reviews for almost two years you would think I’d be able to jot some coherent thoughts and be done with it. In some ways book reviews are harder to write.  For fiction, you’re looking at the plot, structure, dialogue, character development, style and so on. For non-fiction, it’s how well the material is organized, presented and the analysis.

In this case, I was reviewing an encyclopedia. I have to warn you because I have a bias–I love reference books. Next to collecting software, I hoard reference materials. So it was a no brainer that I would adore this book, but I can’t write, “I love this book, it’s got a ton of information and lots of pretty pictures to look at for hours. You’ll love it, buy it.”  That’s what I wanted to write, but I had to be more eloquent and I could not find the words.  After mulling it over for several hours I finally wrote a coherent review.

You might have thought I was off the hook on Sunday and that I was taking a day off to rest my weary little brain. No, not at all. I had to submit two chapters to the writing groups. One chapter I completed, but the other wasn’t. I’m rewriting the latter one and I’m trying to answer some questions that some readers had, and once again, I’m having trouble. In this case, it isn’t finding the words, but whether I should even bother to include this information because I don’t find it relevant to the story. So what to do?

I’m leaning on the side of ditching the entire scene and moving forward. I think that I answered the question early on in the story, and it doesn’t need to be put out again. Plus, I find the entire scene a little contrived. I guess I answered my question. Ditch it or at least condense it to no more than a couple of sentences.

Onward, I have a lot writing to do this week.

It’s Saturday and I’m supposed to be working on a book review. I’ve been alternating it with a rewrite of a chapter for Julius, and the words for either project are simply not coming together. So what’s a writer supposed to do? Take a walk, go to the gym? Have a drink? Watch a movie?

I know I should give myself a little reprieve. It is the weekend, but I promised that the review would be in by today. So here I am struggling to come up with at least 500 words, and right now I am 430 words short. Well it’s a start, you might say. Yeah, but I still have to come up with the 430 words, and I don’t know what to say.

Did you like the book? Very much. It’s beautiful.

Did I get anything out of it? Oh yes, I actually used it as a reference tool for an article I wrote on kantha quilts.

Does it have photos? You betcha.  It has over 3500 color pix and maps too!

Is it a page turner? And how. It can keep one engrossed for hours.

Is it scholarly? Yes, but not in a way that it will intimidate you. The language isn’t overly academic that your eyes will glaze over.

Will a broad audience appreciate this book? Broad in the sense if you appreciate handcrafts, but I can see writers and teachers using this to learn more about the country’s culture.

Is it informative? Absolutely. Any question you might have about certain regional craft the book gives you enough information to get a good understanding of the techniques.

Is it well organized? Oh my God and then some.

So to sum it all up, you recommend this book to the layperson? Yes, it has two purposes, it’s a great reference tool and it’s a beautiful coffee table book.

Okay, there are your 430 words. Get going.

I realize now that I should have posted this once and titled it “The Agony and the Ecstasy of Writing.” It would have been my clever play on the novel The Agony and the Ecstasy, by Irving Stone (and the film, directed by Carol Reed).

Yesterday I wrote about how my guts get all twisted up when I work on articles. Today it’s all about the love. What makes me so pleased when I see my byline? The first thing is that what I wrote was actually publishable; that it wasn’t gibberish. And a great ego-booster is to get an email from someone who says the article was interesting and I’m a good writer.

The best part is that I learned something after I’ve struggled to do the research, the interview, and make it all come across as somewhat intelligent. For instance in a piece about residential property assessment I wrote for Dan’s Papers, I had no clue of how the process worked because I don’t own any real estate. Now I know how it all works, and thanks to that article, I’m more convinced not to own a single blade of grass (at least not in Suffolk County).

What excites me, though, is writing fiction. Although it’s tough to face a blank screen or sheet of paper, once you know the gist of what you want to write that experience can be exhilarating. You create scenes and characters that you know will resonate with readers, and when you get feedback telling you that a certain part  of the story was poignant or the writing was delicious your heart swells with pride.

I admit that Julius has taken me far too long to write, and I think, in part, it’s because I’m having too much fun discovering things that can make the story better. That’s the ecstasy of writing. Reshaping the story to make it a great read. Even though I’m so close to it, and I can easily get sick of reading and revising it over and over again there are passages in the novel that are quite good, and are worth a second read.

Okay, I’m biased. Julius is my baby, but I’ve worked hard on it, and I’m proud of the effort. Its those  moments or working on an article with value that writing is the best thing in the whole world. And even though I’ll never have Pulitzer or have a huge following like Jodi Picoult, it doesn’t matter because I love what I do even with all the gut-wrenching agony that comes with it.

On that note, it’s time for breakfast and the start of a new writing day.

I came across a new writing blog, Diary of a Virgin Novelist, last night. I read some of the posts, and one that really sang to me was Writing Sucks.

Every time I sit down to write an article I get that queasy butterfly feeling in my gut. I know I worry about it too much. I never think it’s good enough. I stress over punctuation, syntax, and flow. And it seems that no matter how many times I proof-read a piece I always catch something–a misspelled word, a comma splice, a run-on sentence, missing words, repeated words. It never seems perfect.  Although I’m no longer working as a flack, sometimes I feel like I’m a hack, and it is agony.

When I’m working on Julius I don’t feel this way at all. It’s different. I still worry about the same things, but I’m more relaxed about it because I know I’m working on the 115th draft and it’s getting critiqued. However, the day will come when it’s completely finished, and I’ll have to format it and get it ready for an agent that’s when the agony will consume me. Even if it’s perfect, I know I’ll find something to worry about.

So why write if I’m putting myself through Hell? That’s a hard and easy question. The easy part is that I enjoy making up the stories, and I love learning from them. Thanks to Hand/Eye I am learning a great deal about textiles and other crafts. In fact, I’m embarrassed to admit that this is all very new to me and how ignorant I was about the world of crafts. Two months ago, I would have thought a quilt was a quilt. Writing, like reading, opens more worlds for you.

Now to the hard part of the question. I believe that no matter what I do whether it’s  public relations or working as a bagger at a grocery store, something in the back of my mind will be nibbling at me, convincing me I’m doing something wrong, and that it’s not perfect. Writing is no different.

I’m hoping that once I win the Pulitzer this feeling of not being good enough (or smart enough) will go away. Did I just write, “win the Pulitzer?” I’m kidding, but I can dream, right?

Back to the salt mines. My gut is twisting up and I know that’s a sign that I have to get writing.

Let me put out there from the very start: I don’t outline. When I get a story idea, I write and see where it takes me.  I’m the type of writer that goes with the creative flow, but I admit that sometimes all the ideas that come rushing all at once need to be better organized. So I do see the benefit of sitting down and creating an outline. 

As school children, we’re taught early on to create outlines. I don’t know whether I missed something during that class or what, but even as an eight year-old, I never undertood why I had to outline a book report. Just write the damn thing and be done with it. So most likely I tuned out my teacher and I was composing my report in my head; shortly thereafter, I was ready to write the two or three pages.  The problem with that was since I wasn’t listening, I really never knew how to create a proper outline. Thus, I never got a perfect score because the teacher insisted that an outline be included within the book report.  The whole point being that she wanted to see the thought process step-by-step. My feelings were pretty much thought process be damned, just read the story and you’ll get the process! That attitude didn’t help my grade either.

I finally learned how to outline properly, and with the help of MS Word creating the skeleton is a cinch. My problem is that I tend to write whole sentences, not key phrases. Plus my outlines are long. Very long. Too long. So it sort of defeats the purpose of creating one when I can actually write the entire story. I’ve tried the key word or phrase route, and I usually end up scratching my head, trying to figure what in the world I’m trying to get at and why? The end-result is usually no outline and just write.

BUT. . .

That way of thinking almost got me in trouble last night. Julius is going through a major rewrite. I have several versions of chapters. I made the mistake of not hitting “Save As” for one version until it was too late and then I discovered that I rewrote a section that I might want to keep.  I somehow managed to salvage it, but I realized that since I’m making so many changes and adding new material to scenes that maybe I should outline.

Now remember, I’m not very good with outlining; I either add too much or too little. So what was my plan of attack to get organized? I’ll be honest, I didn’t have one at all. I just thought I would have to be more careful and just make sure that I hit “Save As” before I started the writing frenzy, and create another folder to file the new material.

BUT. . .

After I cleaned up my mess, I continued my research for my top 50 blogs and while I was reading one blog, I stumbled across this You tube video by Michael L. Martin Jr.:

Aftter viewing Michael’s charming review, and software geek that I am, I had to download Ywriter.  And you know what? It’s the perfect outlining tool for someone who likes to go with the flow, writes a lot, and needs help with organizing all these new random ideas. Now that I’m getting feedback for Julius it’s easier for me to organize the suggestions and changes.

If you’re an unorganized writer–like me–and you need help on how to make sense of all your jumbled ideas there is hope.  You can still write wildly, but in a more organized manner, which, hopefully, will:  a) make you a better writer and b) aid you in writing a better structured (and maybe compelling) story.

Off to my new-found favorite activity: outlining Julius with Ywriter’s help.

I stumbled upon one terrific blog while researching my top 50 writing blogs (I’m keeping it secret for the time being, but so far this one is really a winner). I’m about half way through the first year’s posting and all the information the author provides is priceless. After reading several of the posts, I realized that I’m no where near in finishing writing or revising Julius. 

So what was my aha moment? Actually there were several. First, I need to cut several scenes in Book One that don’t help the story move forward. Plus, it needs conflict, conflict, conflict. Much more than I have. I see numerous scenes that what I’ve created in the second part that need to be moved up much earlier to the first.

As much as I love having these epiphanies that will make the story better, I have to add an “Oy” because it’s more work, and it seems I’ll never finish this opus.  Nonetheless, what needs to be done needs to be done. And that leads me to the dreaded outline.  I don’t outline or storyboard at all. I have an idea in my head and then I move forward. However, I see the merit to outlining especially if the story needs a serious revision.

Thanks to this “aha”, I have yet another project for the week. I guess I better the enjoy the rest of my Sunday while I still have the free time.

I’m one of those writers who can’t work when there’s background noise. Greg usually asks me if he can put on a CD and the only one I’ll allow him to play while I’m writing is Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue.

Unlike my better half, who likes the chatter of the TV or the radio, I’m on the opposite end of the noise scale. I like it deathly quiet. In fact if I could have a closed and sound-proof cubby hole, similar to the one I had in the graduate reading room in college, I would be very happy. My demands are simple: all I need is a comfortable chair, a desk, and a decent light.

Unfortunately, I can’t have that. Although I work from home there have been times that I wanted to escape from barking dogs and a spouse who has the urge to cook (like right now), but there’s really no place to escape for peace and quiet (or even a decent cappuccino).

Last winter when I was trying to slog my way through Jonathan Littel’s The Kindly Ones, I had the brilliant idea of going to the library. Our local branch is small and downstairs there’s a section that’s relatively private, but I didn’t realize that a small town library is also a community center that hosts a number of daily activities.

Everytime I went with the massive tome, I didn’t get too far into the story partly because Littel writes these non-ending sentences and paragraphs, but also because it was so noisy. The first time I went, I was kicked out of my spot thanks to the weekly knitting club was meeting. No problem, I thought, I’ll go upstairs by the periodical section. After 15 minutes of listening to the librarians gossip and the school kids running around, I decided to call it a day.

I love our little library and our librarians are incredibly nice, but I have to say that they are the gabbiest bunch I’ve ever encountered. Mr. Bookman, the library cop from an early Seinfeld episode, would have a seizure if he heard these women gab away at normal conversational tones.

Suffice it to say that there’s really no place for me to go unless I decide to drive to a beach and sit in the car. I can read, but writing is difficult. I’ve placed a moratorium on when the TV can be turned on and I’ve compromised on the cooking noise and the music played. Much to my surprise, though,  Kind of Blue puts me in a zen mode and I can write with ease. 

As of right now the cooking noise has leveled off and maybe it’s time for a little bit of Miles and his trumpet while I work on the Julius mess.

Most writers suffer some degree of insecurity about their writing. I know I do and it’s probably why I procrastinate. Sometimes, though, when you have an assignment that you sought out you need to bite the bullet and just write.

About a month ago, I moaned on my status update on FaceBook that I needed to find more freelance gigs. Lo and behold, one of my FaceBook friends wrote back and asked if I would be interested to write a piece for HAND/EYE Magazine.  I went to the site, read the articles and wondered who or what I could write about. After an hour or so of scrutiny, I realized I had the perfect candidate: my friend Joseph Cavalieri, an artist who specializes in stained glass.

I pitched the idea to the editor and I got the green light to write the piece. I was ecstatic, but also worried that I would not do justice in articulating the intricacies of Joseph’s work or that the editor would simply hate my writing style.  To top it off, I put all this unneccessary pressure on myself to write the perfect piece.

There’s no such thing as the perfect piece, maybe near perfect, but for the most part, everyone gets edited. The goal though was to write as well as I could and to stop with the agonizing over it. So I bit the bullet. I wrote the article and submitted it. I was asked to make an addition, which I did. After a few days I was told a few editing tweaks were made and it was good to go.

The article appeared online on October 31st , titled Novel Gothic. I was happy with the edits (they were minor) and I sent it along to Joseph and other friends to read.

Those who read the piece said very nice things about, but let’s face it, they are my friends, they’re supposed to give you supportive and complimentary comments.

Today I learned from Joseph that the owner of one of the stained-glass works that was mentioned loved the article and the writing. In fact, he printed several copies the story and gave it to his party guests. Wow! That’s a pat on the back I wasn’t expecting.

Does this major compliment lessen the insecurities? For two seconds it did. Now I have to worry about the next article.

Last night I had my first phone conversation with my accountability partner and we discussed our goals. We both determined that our works in progress are the priority. My goal is to have a complete manuscript ready for submission by the end of the first quarter of 2010.

To reach that I need to write every day. In the previous post, I mentioned, I wanted to complete daily five pages. It is ambitious, but if I fall short a page or two I’m not going to beat myself up. The point is to be in the habit of writing everyday. Now here’s the tricky part: when do I schedule my writing time and what counts as writing? Is it an article, a blog post, a book review or the WIP?  A day doesn’t go by that I’m not writing something.

However, to be more specific, the purpose of the accountability partnership and the good habit development is for Julius and that’s  mandatory writing–no excuses. Next is when to schedule a time? I like to write in the mornings, but I also like to exercise in the mornings so there’s a bit of a conflict. During the evenings is when I read (for Alvah’s Books and paid book reviews). That leaves me with late afternoons, which are typically free. Thus from 4:00 pm until 6:00 pm that time  will be dedicated solely to Julius.

This is a fairly regimented routine and for someone who tends to go with the flow this might feel a little restrictive, but as I’ve discovered some order actually helps me succeed in reaching my goals. The big question is can I maintain it or will I burn out?

I’ll report on my progress by this time next week.

For three months now I’ve been playing a weight-loss game, Game On! that was made up by the lead writer of Grey’s Anatomy and her trainier. Based on the rules of a board game, you win points for every task that you complete at the end of the 4 week round there’s a grand prize. The purpose of the game is to make a lifestyle change and incorporate good eating habits while eliminating bad ones. For example, to gain healthy drinking points, you have to chug a 3 liters of water daily, but you get penalized if you drink alcohol (you’re allowed booze on your free day).

In addition to changing the way you eat, you’re encouraged to change a non-food related bad habit to a good habit. I’ve already have succeeded in putting away my clothes and shoes, making my bed, washing my dirty lunch dishes, but the bad habit that I want to change is the one that I don’t write daily. Since NANOWRIMO is coming up in less than two weeks and the next round of Game On! is starting on November 2nd, why not get a head start and start writing every day.

The big question is what to write? For starters, I want to complete five pages–daily–of Julius, and a blog post for this site. . And let’s not forget the writing assignments that actually pay the bills, but the purpose to write every day is to keep me motivated, creative, and improve my craft.

So now that I’ve written the post, it’s time to getting those five pages written.